my characters are me and Draven cool beans, hes 14 years of age.
they like to hangout and bike at silverstar in fishvile[city]facebook[provincce]internet[country]. One day in fishville we where biking, i was riding a mongoose pinn'r and draven was on his kona stuff, we just got to the top of the lift then fish started falling from the sky,it was wierd i thought skye my friend was a vegetarian.So me and draven picked up the fish and returned them to skye, but skye said she droped them from an airplane because she was a vegetarian, now it makes sence. ssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i made that up they fell from the sky because it was april 1st and we lived in fishville so draven died because a fish had a metal body and i hit draven on the head with it. sssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeee
he did not die he got knocked out hot. by siking up a storm, bestie mr sike.
I like how you discribed the fish and the characters, but you could start the begining as a story then you can keep the readers interested longer.
ReplyDeleteit is very...creative and interesting, but you could work on capitalization and spelling, it captures my attention.
ReplyDeleteI like how the things are described
ReplyDeleteI like how it's not long to read
You could make your story longer though
it was interesting, it was also very short.
ReplyDeleteahah lol ya man it was good but you could work on making it longer
ReplyDelete